nostalgia

sigh, today’s just one of those days that make me reflect about life.  i started my day at a hospital nearby, holding a tiny five-month old girl who is very, very ill.  i sang her the Baha’i lullabies that my mom would sing me when i was  young, and she seemed to like it enough to relax and sleep in my arms.  imagine starting out your life in a hospital, sick, and without any family to hold you and love you.   i don’t know how nurses and doctors do it.  i would die working in peds, i think.   i left, heartbroken.

then i went over to my parents, to see that my brother has my dream life.  i smile and laugh, and actually, lately, i no longer feel things.  i’m just sorta numb and there.   nevertheless, it does bug me a bit to see what he gets and what i pay for.

part of it is also probably the fact that i’m listening to the soundtrack to the holiday right now (brilliant cd by the way).  but!  it is nostalgic… in a happy, detached sorta way.

anyway – here’s a Writing that i should probably be thinking about right now… and maybe you might like

52. O SON OF MAN!
Should prosperity befall thee, rejoice not, and should abasement come upon thee, grieve not, for both shall pass away and be no more.

(Baha’u'llah, The Arabic Hidden Words)

anxious? concerned? confused?

i read this article last week (in the new york times) and thought that you might like it.  it’s all about our ability to weigh the risks vs benefits of a situation and judge accordingly.

what i find interesting is that it talks about how affected we are, as individuals, by an abundance or lack of information on a topic.  in other words – it states that being bombarded by information in the media makes us more anxious about those things, rather than things that might actually cause us more harm, but isn’t widely acknowledged/known.

it reminded me of the following Writing from Baha’u'llah:

What “oppression” is more grievous than that a soul seeking the truth, and wishing to attain unto the knowledge of God, should know not where to go for it and from whom to seek it? For opinions have sorely differed, and the ways unto the attainment of God have multiplied. This “oppression” is the essential feature of every Revelation. Unless it cometh to pass, the Sun of Truth will not be made manifest. For the break of the morn of divine guidance must needs follow the darkness of the night of error. For this reason, in all chronicles and traditions reference hath been made unto these things, namely that iniquity shall cover the surface of the earth and darkness shall envelop mankind.

(Baha’u'llah, The Kitab-i-Iqan, p. 31)

in a sense, this imposition of confusion on our society (and it’s not just by the media, and it’s not just the media’s fault) is a form of oppression.  ‘Abdu’l-Baha tells us that “When thou lookest about thee with a perceptive eye, thou wilt note that on this dusty earth all humankind are suffering.” (Abdu’l-Baha, Selections from the Writings of Abdu’l-Baha, p. 184)  there’s various forms of suffering, of course, and i don’t mean to diminish what anyone is going through.  the reality is simply this: that in one form or another, every individual on this planet is hindered from finding truth.

you might read that and say “well, not everyone wants to look for truth”.  and i would respond: they’re all looking for something real, in some form.  and from there we would get into a discussion of conscious and unconscious search… which is a whole series of posts… and discussions, really.  because, at the end of the day, i don’t really know what i’m saying – i’m just sharing some thoughts and hoping that it creates a dialogue – somewhere, somehow.

and for those days when life just doesn’t seem worth it…

tips for surviving those terrible days… or, more appropriately: temporary fixes for temporary problems…

(these are in no particular order)

1. call/email/msg a close friend. or two.  actually, two is usually better, because usually if one can’t cheer you up, the other can.  make sure this person isn’t someone who can’t joke – you’ll need humor to lighten the situation after you discuss your situation.

2. eat ice cream.

3. go for a walk, and get ice cream.

4. watch a funny movie.  (or watch something like the latest star trek – action AND comedy, all rolled into one)

5. find the nearest Baha’i gathering with happy people in attendance, and GO!  (take ice cream with you )

6. (can you tell that i like ice cream?) read the Baha’i Writings about love and joy and unity.  or just read through some stories about ‘Abdu’l-Baha  (eg. the ones in Ruhi 3 – those are bound to cheer you up!)

7. watch old episodes of the muppets or sesame street.  or…. madtv’s stewart.  (i’ve linked some to start you off)

ok, so i only have 7 ideas – the only other thing i would add is that if your situation is one that comes back to you, counselling is always a great option, and sometimes, you can find it at an affordable rate.  i used to always think that it was for pussies, but it’s actually a very helpful way to reflect on your life and understand what forces are acting on you, and how to resolve those with who you want to be.  maybe i’ll write more on that later.

star trek really was a GREAT movie.  i highly recommend that everyone see it.  it was witty and action packed – but not without a plot!  i’d totally go back to see it in theaters… and i think i will actually pay for the blu ray disc. 

national convention

delegates, national spiritual assembly, counsellors, and trustees of the huququ'llah at the canadian national convention

so, i said that i’d be talking a lot more about the NC as it got closer, but it seemed that i was unable to get a steady internet connection – or at least one that would allow me to be discreet… and then some other stuff came up once i did get back home.  but – i’m back!  so… onto our topic at hand.

the national convention was amazing.  really.  this was my first time serving as a delegate, but i have been to past ones as an observer.  i can honestly say that the convention is evolving as an institution.  it’s remarkable.  and our counsellors really helped us to shape the consultation and to provide as many constructive suggestions as possible – despite the fact that the questions that the national spiritual assembly put to our consideration were extremely challenging to respond to!

other than that, i don’t know what else to say.  i’d like to suggest that if anyone has any questions about the convention, or the baha’i administrative order, you can feel free to post it here, and i’ll try and answer.  that… or.. just go to the convention next year!

truth.

recently, i had an experience in which someone i care about deeply openly lied to me.  it was an interesting sort of lie; i’d never experienced anything quite like it.  the situation was such that i knew the truth, through his (let’s call him LK), but wanted him to have to say it to me.  however, when i got to that long anticipated moment… the moment i had played out in my mind hundreds of times… that is, when i finally confronted him and asked him for the truth, he told me a boldfaced set of lies.  i, of course, had to accept it as if it were truth… but it was a very interesting experience in that i’d never witnessed anyone say such a huge lie, and in any case, i’d never known it to be a lie as it was being said to me! what was even more spectacular was that it appeared as though LK was even lying to himself.

what amazes me is that not only can people lie but that it is also done so often!   little lies, big lies, sloppy ones, neat ones…. (we could write a dr seuss book about this!)  i do not understand what is so attractive about it…  this friend of mine… i think he was trying to protect himself – but in reality, the resultant is that he gets hurt, and his spiritual faculties damaged.

cuz you see, when we learn that “truthfulness is the foundation of all human virtues” (‘Abdu’l-Baha), it suggests to me that the development of all of our other qualities (such as love, justice, magnanimity, humility) depends on the development of our ability to be truthful.  so then it fascinates me that we think that we can get away with lying!  all of our other faculties stop working the second we do that!

i guess that maybe it comes down to how much we think that we can get away with… but, do we really think we can hide from God?

i’ve tried… it’s pretty damned hard when His home is your heart!

happy Ridvan, friends

patience with idiots: how to not even see them as ridiculous

ok, i have a confession to make: when i wrote that title down in my last post, it was as a joke.  i didn’t actually expect that i’d be able to use it legitimately… yet here we are, discussing patience with idiots (i hope you take the intended meaning of those last four words )

i should say this before continuing.  the following is about trying to do good.  as a baha’i, i have to both be a baha’i – so try to reflect spiritual qualities, etc, and do things to put these qualities into action.  and actually, if you don’t put things into action, you won’t learn about these qualities, which means you won’t reflect them as well, which means  you will have troubles doing more.  it’s a dielectic between being and doing.  so in this post, when i talk about “doing” – i mean it in the baha’i context.  in the context of trying to do things that lead to the betterment of the world such as “pure and goodly deeds… commendable and seemly conduct.”

but here it is – the thing about the “idiot(s)” who tells you off, who criticizes you, who really just want you to not exist anymore… the thing about these people is that they don’t have power over you, at least, not in the sense that you might feel.  in any interaction, there will be power dynamics (in one direction, in the other direction, or non-existant).  so i’ve been in situations where someone imposes power on me, and i can’t shake them off, at first i try to fight, and then i give in.  in the past, it was absolute: i’d change everything for that person.  recently, i found that the power was semi-completely imposed on me. i didn’t believe what they were trying to impose on me, and i left everything that had to do with that person.  everything.  so i was resisting, but it wasn’t complete.  it still left me feeling sorta dead inside.  anyway, i won’t give you details, but regardless – the other day, i realized that this person who had pushed me into leaving things behind (had even encouraged me, explicitly, to do so), i realized that this person had no right.

so here’s the thing about “not getting discouraged” – people can come and they can say things to you, they can think things about you – they can even talk about you, right?  they can do all these things… but at the end of the day, they can’t make you stop what you’re doing.  and in fact, i would suggest that if they do manage to get you to stop doing things, that this would be the most painful part of the situation.  that they stopped you from doing – whatever that might be.

possibly the most wise words that were ever said to me (about criticism) was:

“keep moving.  that was one person’s opinion.  see if there’s any truth to what they said.  if there is, then take it, if there isn’t, then leave it.  but get back in there and keep going.  now.“

and then imagine, we’ll have been patient with these poor souls, who really just don’t understand the impact of their words, and who likely don’t even understand the actual meaning of those words!

so, just keep moving.

thanks for the update. i’ll take it up with God tonight.

i was at a talk recently where our speaker – a member of our National Spiritual Assembly – ended with this: “before i leave, i should say one word about discouragement: don’t get discouraged.”

now, this is a funny thing for me to hear.  well, it’s not uncommon for people to say this, but just recently, i’ve been thinking a lot about how not to get discouraged from things that others say or do.  and here is a member of the National Spiritual Assembly (he was sent on their behalf – so his words have greater weight than if he were just speaking as an individual) telling us that even if someone looks you in the eye and says that they’d rather you were dead – you still shouldn’t be discouraged.

now, having faced situations where people have said very similar things to me… i found myself wondering “ok, so how does one do that?”

my conclusion?  say to the person: “thanks for the update.  i’ll take it up with God tonight.”  and turn on my heels and leave.  frankly, according to the Writings (see last post), it’s not even their job to point your crap out to you.  at the end of the day – it’s just between you and the Big Guy.

plus, you’ll get to wear that coy grin you always wish you had when you shut an idiot down.

next post: “patience with idiots: how to not even see them as ridiculous”

love and affection – continued

a situation with a friend of mine reminded me of the following Writing, and i thought i’d post it here, since we were talking about love and detachment the other day. i think this Writing definitely talks about that.  personally, i find the instant forgiveness thing very difficult. it’s a bit of a test that i’m going through right now… i guess what i find challenging about it is that we have to forgive without any expectation of a return (again, this concept of detachment), and that’s kinda rough when your heart’s been torn up by something/someone.   anyway, here’s the Writing.  let me know what you think!

You must manifest complete love and affection toward all mankind. Do not exalt yourselves above others, but consider all as your equals, recognizing them as the servants of one God. Know that God is compassionate toward all; therefore, love all from the depths of your hearts, prefer all religionists before yourselves, be filled with love for every race, and be kind toward the people of all nationalities. Never speak disparagingly of others, but praise without distinction. Pollute not your tongues by speaking evil of another. Recognize your enemies as friends, and consider those who wish you evil as the wishers of good. You must not see evil as evil and then compromise with your opinion, for to treat in a smooth, kindly way one whom you consider evil or an enemy is hypocrisy, and this is not worthy or allowable. You must consider your enemies as your friends, look upon your evil-wishers as your well-wishers and treat them accordingly. Act in such a way that your heart may be free from hatred. Let not your heart be offended with anyone. If some one commits an error and wrong toward you, you must instantly forgive him. Do not complain of others. Refrain from reprimanding them, and if you wish to give admonition or advice, let it be offered in such a way that it will not burden the bearer. Turn all your thoughts toward bringing joy to hearts. Beware! Beware! lest ye offend any heart. Assist the world of humanity as much as possible. Be the source of consolation to every sad one, assist every weak one, be helpful to every indigent one, care for every sick one, be the cause of glorification to every lowly one, and shelter those who are overshadowed by fear.

In brief, let each one of you be as a lamp shining forth with the light of the virtues of the world of humanity. Be trustworthy, sincere, affectionate and replete with chastity. Be illumined, be spiritual, be divine, be glorious, be quickened of God, be a Bahá’í.

(Abdu’l-Baha, The Promulgation of Universal Peace, p. 453)

finding bibi: emancipation, nukes, and texas.

i just read about an interesting new film that i think you should take note of.  it’s called finding bibi, and it will hopefully be out soon!

i’m not even sure i can describe it well – you should check it out at findingbibi.com… and by watching the following promo:

i think i just like it because i can relate to everything bita haidarian (the film-maker) is saying.  in any case, i think it’ll be brill and fiesty and hilarious. i think this film has the potential of being something between “girls in riyadh” and “iran awakening” – serious, hilarious, and thought-provoking.

enjoy!

awakening: loving is letting go

it’s been a while since my last post.  much has happened since then, and i find myself at a loss for words.  several things are happening.

1. i am learning more about my heritage.  that might sound sorta cliche, but it is the truth.

2. i find myself at odds with every. single. belief. that i have ever held.  maybe “odds” isn’t the right word. i think my worldview is simply shifting.  since it hasn’t settled yet – i have no idea what it’s going to look like… or maybe it’s good for our worldviews never to actually settle, then we can always learn.

3. actually, now that i’m here – i can’t put the rest into words.  so we’ll leave 3 and up for later!

in the jane austen book club – at least in the film – the repeating theme of “loving is letting go” comes up. part of me wonders if this is what i’m learning about overall.   that those lower nature things such as hate, anger, jealousy, greed, etc – that those things are systematically being eliminated in me.  perhaps to be able to love all the world, we need to let go of everything.  i mean, there are things that are relatively easy to be detached from: recognition, money, worldly pleasures… (i should say here that when i use the word “detach” i don’t mean that we don’t have these things… but that we don’t seek them, and need them to survive)  but then there are things that are more difficult to be detached from.  i am learning that there is no “give and take” in this world.  you have to just give. 9/10 people will not give back to you what you give them – if you’re truly giving.  they’re simply not capable of it yet.  so you can’t need it.

an example maybe will illustrate my point – a friend of mine works with a few other people at a university.  over the course of her time there, she’s come to notice that several of her coworkers (and one in particular) are extremely unhappy individuals. so my friend spends her time trying to cheer them up.  she, herself, has had a relatively difficult life, and things are not extremely positive for her either. but her coworkers do not know this.  they only know the cheerful, perky “side” of her.  one day last month, she arrives at work frustrated with the world.  she told me that she was “determined to have a bad day” and that maybe, just maybe, this one day, someone could cheer her up.  can you imagine the result in her workplace?  within the first hour of the workday, one of her coworkers said to her: “boy, you’re crabby today!  you can’t be crabby.  you’re supposed to cheer me up.  so do it.”  my friend, i think maybe she’s just too kind… she did it.

the lesson is this: that we cannot expect the return we get from our actions to be as direct and tangible as our actions might seem.  as in – this friend of mine cheers everyone up regardless of her own life.  she gives of herself.  it could be said that the others there do not give of themselves in the same way.  so the return is no visibly the same.  she has to be detached from that idea of “return”.  however, what she does gain is this: 1. positivity (i imagine that if she were allowed to wallow in her own misery she’d die); 2. insight into detachment, love, kindness,  and humility (probably among other things); and 3. an environment which disciplines her into learning such things.

it’s the same in many other aspects of our lives – service… family… existence in a society demands that we give.  in population biology we learn that when an animal lives in a group, it as an individual loses certain freedoms, and the group gains.  why does it live in a group?  well, the pros outweigh the cons.  most often, it is mere survival.  i guess then we could ask – do we, human beings, need each other to surive?

if we do – then we have to let go of everything that is for the “self” and love all our fellow creatures – at least, that seems something i’ve woken up to these past few months….

and with that – i’m off to bed!